contra 3 in full technicolor
oh my contra, to me you are so wonderful
oh my contra to me it was so good
no one could be so violent and actionpacked
oh my contra was always shooting crush
gone are the days when it was merely 16 bits
and with some skill i'd be the king of old school
oh my contra rapid fire explosions
always fighting so manly in its way
oh my contra to me it was so wonderful
deep in my heart i play it to this day
gone are the days when it was 2 dimensional
and with the code it changed my lives to 30
oh my contra to me it was so wonderful
deep in my heart i play it to this day
double barrel
hunting for wabbits
i'm hunting down some turrets and introverted soldiers
i don't know why its just senseless killing
why do i even participate in this senseless violence
why do i shoot them now?
there so shy just going out of their shells
and now the destruction is already over
suspenseful! oh my god its a boss!!!!
what? oh.. eh? aww! that wasn't very suspenseful at all!
ah! contra guy! always ruining things for me
modeling shoot!!!!
i feel you contra i feel you
i was half convinced by playstation legacy of war revolting
happily i was mistaken oh contra!
i'll steal you - contra i'll steal you
appalusa thinks it can hide you even now i'm playing the forth game
i am on DS beside you firing wildly without a care
i feel you contra and one day, i'll steal you
till i'm with you then i'm with you there sweatly buried in your manly hairs
well with that song we skipped most of the boring auto scrolling
if you really want an intro, this is mike uyama and this is my contra 3 run although i'm sure you dont want any of that boring junk
because you'd rather hear me, singing all totally off key!!! of course!
coming up without a bomb
unlike stiger, who did wrong
now coming up are the unappreciated extras of the contra world
the winged soldier, despite their constant hard work in the contra series they've never recieved proper credit, so here is my tribute to them:
jumping out of bosses, jumping down from ledges, supporting red falcon pouncing at bill and lance
shooting and leaping for minimum wage
always devoted to alien control and world domination
despite going through no health insurence and extreme starvation
and yet all the things they get are just some shots to the cranium!
there lonely now that their 30 second role is already over the winged soldier
now their dad is going to check them right now
hey my robot sons i heard there was a little rough housing out here
oh my god, what happened? the robomanity of it all!
exterminator!
now i'll be reading from the book of general ignorance
its one of those books for people who like interesting useless facts
or enjoy being a jerk about knowing more facts than other people
in other words, this book is almost PERFECT for everyone SDA so:
What drives human sperm wild?
The smell of Lily of the Valley
It appears sperm have noses which they used to navigate towards a womans egg
research has experimented with a range of floral fragrances and Lily of the Valley came out on top
getting the random sperm wriggling in the same direction at TWICE the normal speed
the research was carried out at Ruhr University in Germany in 2003
they discovered a new sperm protien HOR17-4, which acted as a receptor for sperm in exactly the same way as protien sensors in the nose detect smells
they then tested their new sperm NOSE on hundreds of synthetic compounds many of them used to mimic floral scents in commercial perfumes,
one of them, Orginal is used to creat Lily of the Valley fragrance
it had two dramatic affects on the behavior of sperm, doubling its speed and changing undirected swimming behavior to direct movement
the FOOT TO THE FLOOR EFFECT seems to derive from HOR17-4 making the sperm wag their tails harder
Orginal is now being used in fertility treatments to pick out the Mark Spitzes of the sperm world
i should have gotten rid of most of the boring autoscrolling
destroying the boss made from legos
motorcycle is finished! and now, switching to a helicoptor for a ride on a missle
i feel sorry for the jet pack guy had to ride so far just to be wrecked quick
now fighting the boss now! and i think the boss was made by 6 yr olds!!!
i mean think of the premise! its absolutely rediculous, it has everything that a 6 yr old thinks is totally cool
guns, testosterone, and missles and just craziness it just doesn't make any sense
striking poses!
hunting hives and stye
its a desert stage! one in every game, always the same things shooting flames, killing ants
angering PETA, they will throw a mean protest
despite the fact that bill is just doing his job he's an intergalactic exterminator *mike pauses.... for seemingly no reason*
yet he cannot stop meddling, they will probably throw flower in his face
PETA this isn't your business, i'm trying to save the world here!!! but all you do is complain, all you do is complain!
this shtick is getting old!!!!
its the final stage its just an alien lair, like every single other contra game
i donno why they can't make up an original idea!!! oh great its that thing from the first contra game
what's next? those stupid little alien hives? come on contra - koonami - try harder
i know you guys have some original ideas! what's next a giant heart? oh look, how original.
so lame! so lame!
overblown music is in todays modern games
and i'm now going to sing for a modern audience
HO! HO! sing -ing in this overblown voice prolly should add some latin lyrics!
*a latin phrase i cant find* E pluribus unum
its a gargoyle oh my god its an original enemy how did this happen?!
the guy who made him was probably fired
and now the alien queen is here this wasn't even in a final stage of super C it was stage 6!
now what is coming next? this stage was so lame i mean what is coming next? what am i anticipating
what am i fighting for? what is it? it should be great! it should be epic!
what is it? its just a brain? why is it just a brain? i'm so disappointed!
i mean what is it going to do? is it albert einstein? will it throw equations at me?!
force is it does not equal M A will it throw E = MC^2 at me
oh why am i fighting his brain? and it has an eye for what and why?
and why am i fighting this enemy shouldn't it have depth perception issues
i mean it only has one eye!! and what- what would you even call it?
a brain-clops? a cy-brain? what- why am i even fighting it, this boring and pointless
why should i even bother singing?! i mean come on what can i even say?
it just shoots brains at me its kind of gross its kind of like a metal song!
*saying mechanically one syllable at a time* why would even fight a brain i mean at least
the other contra games had somewhat looking final bosses and now its going to die!!!!!
*singing normal now* its exploding! thank god that was so tedious!
*sips something and lets out an ah* *long awkward pause mr uyama...*
Well there you go.
ITS TIME TO PARTY BEERS AND BABES ALL THE WAY HELL YEA!
Still have time left for happy hour and some beer bong *corrects himself* beer pong. tonight's looking good
aw bro! not cool! dont be a buzz kill. when i destroy you missles you stay dude
none of this hey second life i'm coming after you shit
you know, i said i loved you but...ya know...
it was after an all nighter and ya know i had like 12 beers, you know how things roll bro.
ah! man, finally.
anyways, what was with the S&M getup?
Bill Bill Bill Riser and Lance Maddog and Scorpion their names are so simply too humourous for me
i wish i knew their names but never know them personally our relationship is strictly business
and he hangs aloof on his helicopter, wanting nothing but a cold beer, and some babes!
and would look sweet if she even has blonde hair theres no contemplating for a contra man
and so he wont do any macrome
Atsushi fire demon fujio, Masanori OOUCHI Hiroshi crinkling crunch kobayashi
hirofumi tink iron taniguchi
now i am finally finished with this run and i dont have to play this game anymore
the drudgery is finally over of these 2 years were torturous
jun black fury furano and oh *idk wtf hes saying* is right!
its DMG DMG!! thats game-boy
kazumi kitaue!
and now i'm finally done with this commentary
a peaceful time!
uyama--------- out!