The man himself, showing off his pecs, speedruns, and Big Bird, but where's Snuffleupagus?

The Mind of the Runner: Sattik 'Tiki' Ghosh

By Jim Hanson, with additional support from Mike Uyama.

A native of Southern California and an active speedrunner at speeddemosarchive.com, Mega Man master Sattik 'Tiki' Ghosh is known for his lightning-fast button-mashing abilities, general masculine prowess, and ability to enliven discussions with much profanity and talk of genitalia. Tiki graciously agreed to partcipate in the first interview of what will hopefully become many at Speed Demos Archive (SDA).

Interviewer questions are in bold.

Tiki, when and how did you first discover SDA? What interested you in speedrunning?

At some point in 2006, I was playing Mega Man X3 on an emulator at a friend's house, and he told me that I was playing faster than normal people play. He challenged me to beat the fastest run I could find of the intro stage on YouTube. I did. Later that night, I Googled "Mega Man X3 speedrun" and fell in love with Mike Uyama [after watching his 44:39 Mega Man X3 speedrun on SDA].

What speedruns do you currently have on SDA? Which run is your best?

Mega Man X, Mega Man 3, and Mega Man 6 are the runs I have on SDA. Mega Man X is easily my best run because I dedicated much more time to it than the other runs. As a child, Mega Man X was my absolute favorite game, and I was damn good at it, too. Mega Man 3 and Mega Man 6 were done for Frezy's bounties, so they are not quite as, uh, soulful, I guess you'd say, as the Mega Man X run.

How much bounty money did you earn?

$500 for Mega Man 3 and $360 for Mega Man 6. I couldn't do shit with the money, though, because my parents put it in my bank account, and I can't use it.

What speedruns are you working on right now?

I'm working on Mega Man 3 and Mega Man 5. I plan to beat the current Mega Man 5 run by three or four minutes.

What games do you like to play when you're not speedrunning?

I mostly play Rock Band and Guitar Hero.

Considering you were born in 1993, which was after the NES's heyday, how did you get into NES gaming? Where did you get your NES?

My brother is 25 years old and taught me how to play Duck Hunt when I was one. We skipped the N64/PS1 generation, so I was "stuck" with the NES and SNES.

What game systems do you have now?

I have an NES, SNES, Dreamcast, PS2, and Xbox 360.

What motivates you to speedrun?

I find it quite entertaining, actually. Seeing the finished product is always satisfying.

When speedrunning a game, have you ever felt like you were getting frustrated to the point of being burnt out?

Yeah, I stopped playing Mega Man X for about three months once when I got 34:00 instead of 33:59 or under.

Have you ever had a run rejected by SDA?

No, my penis is so big that everyone accepts immediately.

Have you had any runs obsoleted?

Yes, I had a 34:42 Mega Man X run obsoleted about two days after I finished it, and I had a 38:10 Mega Man 6 run obsoleted. I took both of them back. My current Mega Man X run is 33:48, and my current Mega Man 6 run is 36:45.

Which was the hardest game to run? Which was the easiest?

Mega Man 6 was the hardest game to run, and Mega Man 3 was the "easiest." They were all quite difficult, though, and I'd rather say Mega Man 3 was the "least difficult." Mega Man 6 has the stupidest fucking slide mechanism ever, making it extremely irritating to run. [Editor's note: Mega Man is unable to jump out of a slide in Mega Man 6. He must turn backwards to cancel a slide.]

Does the sliding in Mega Man 6 make you "Hulk smash!" angry?

No, it just makes me sad that they [Capcom] fucked up their game.

What are your interests outside of speedrunning?

I run track, and I play the piano. It's quite easy to see how those two hobbies parent speedrunning. I run the 200 meters and the 400 meters in track, which are basically all-out sprints, running for speed. Practice, mental strength, and bodily discipline (maintaining form and breathing while running) all play vital roles in sprinting success. All of that carries over to speedrunning.

Playing the piano teaches me practice strategies and technical execution and makes my hands very strong. The best thing about speedrunning is that it completes a kind of cycle; the mental discipline needed to close out runs notably benefits me in my piano performances and in my races. When I improve in one of my hobbies, I actually improve in all three.

By the way, my fastest time in the mile is 5:08. Hopefully, I'll be able to get it down to sub-5 by the time track season starts.

Do you ever plan to speedrun a game that's not a Mega Man game?

No, Mega Man is my hero.

Since you're young and you still live in your parents' house, does your mom bother you when you speedrun?

She used to, but now I can pretty much handle it when she talks to me. You can hear this if you listen to my live Mega Man X commentary.

Why do you have such a big boner for Mega Man?

Let me qualify that question, as it is slightly misleading. I grew up with him, so I guess I could say he is like a brother to me. Since I am straight, I do not have a boner for him. He, however, is gay and incestuous and has a massive metal boner for me. I try to ignore it, but when he does shit like rape me in my dreams, it becomes extremely difficult. Off camera, I sadistically kill him over and over and over again (some call these actions "failing to complete a speedrun") to get my revenge.

Speaking of dreams, there is a rumor that you once had an erotic dream with Mega Man in it one day after you played too much Mega Man. Please tell us about this dream.

Fuck you. It wasn't an erotic dream. It was a flaccidifying nightmare. I was playing some shitty-ass Mega Man 7 one day for like eight hours, and I went to sleep, and Mega Man raped me with an enormous metal dick. It hurt a lot, and I feared for my asshole for several days afterward. I also stopped playing Mega Man 7 for a few months.

What sort of Freudian implications do you think your Mega Man dream has?

That I really love to get ass fucked, but I'm straight, so it would have to be by a female.

Were you speedrunning Mega Man 7 at some point?

Yes, I was. I beat the current 56:16 run even though I died once and took a bathroom break during the run. I got around 56:07 but didn't submit the run to SDA. A good run for me would be around 49:30. Cremator is working on a Mega Man 7 speedrun right now.

Who would win in a fight? Neato Mosquito or Dickpenis Cockenstrudel? (link not provided due to adult imagery that cannot be viewed by anyone younger than 21 years of age)

Neato Mosquito, but only if he had help from Awesome Possum.

What exactly is Dickpenis Cockenstrudel?

Dickpenis Cockenstrudel is my very being. When I meditate, my only goal is to become one with Dickpenis Cockenstrudel. Without it, I would break down both physically and mentally. I would become only a shell of my former self. I would lose all my senses and go insane, always searching for Dickpenis Cockenstrudel but never finding it.

If Mega Man had to choose a best man for his wedding, would he choose you or Frezy_man?

He would choose Frezy_man because I would be Mega Man's bride.

Speaking of brides, what are your thoughts on the female gender?

It hates me, but I do not hate it. I need to fuck a vagina. That'd be cool. Feminists can suck my dick, but I respect women.

If you could go to MAGFest, which SDA members would you like to hang out with the most?

Mike, Frezy, vgmr (if he went), Carcinogen, and everyone else. I want to fuck Frezy the most, though, that's for sure.

On the topic of homosexuality, if you were a gay robot, which Robot Master would you have sex with and why?

Crash Man. He'd crash his penis into me. HEY! LET'S DO IT! MAKE EXHILARATING LOVE!

You've been known to talk about your hairiness in detail. How does your manly chest hair affect your speedrunning and your life in general?

It's actually not that bad. My massive DICK is the real problem. Whenever I walk, it drags on the floor and gets extremely dirty. If I pop a boner while speedrunning, it blocks my vision so I can't do anything. I've learned to live with it, though.

Being an Indian, do you ever feel like you're the "wrong kind of Asian" for gaming?

I don't see race. I just believe people when they tell me that I am Indian because every one of my relatives is a doctor or an engineer.

You have been known to vilify Flame Man in Mega Man 6 for his terrorist activities. Do you feel that our post-9/11 world makes it hard for Robot Masters of Middle Eastern descent to find jobs in Mega Man games?

No, it is, in fact, easier for this to occur. Look at what we're fucking doing to America. We elected Barack HUSSEIN Obama president. He is clearly an African-Arab socialist terrorist elitist Muslim. He wasn't even born in the US; he was born in Hawaii. I believe that anyone who voted for him in the democratic process we had last November might as well wipe their ass with the Constitution. If he can become the President of the United States, Al Kay-ee-da can nuke us all at will. Of course, Middle Easterners can easily get jobs here, pretending to be honest American "citizens."

What is your true relationship with Flame Man, who you have been known to call Terrist Man? Seriously, how many gas stations have you two suicide-bombed together?

We are rivals. We have never bombed a gas station together. I've bombed 15,624; he's bombed 6,302. He, however, has eaten more babies.

Many jobs are being outsourced to India nowadays. Do you think Robot Master production will be outsourced to India to cut costs?

No, it will be outsourced to China. Shit that has to do with software is outsourced to India. [Editor's note: I guess that means the AI programming will be outsourced to India.]

If there were a Bollywood musical starring Mega Man, what would it be called? Also, what would be the hit song?

Fuck if I know. Bollywood sucks.

Not too long ago, you started live-streaming your speedrun attempts. Do you think live-streaming can somehow be implemented by SDA?

Yes, it's an idea I suggested in a thread recently. If SDA has a shared channel, a page that lists runners who are currently streaming on their own channel, or both, I believe that SDA's publicity and popularity would significantly rise. It also gives runners an opportunity to show what goes into speedrunning their games.

Because of your insane button-mashing skills, you've been wrongly accused by many people of using turbo-enhanced controllers. What would you like to say to the non-believing, button-mashing challenged masses?

Whatever, my hands will please many more vaginas than yours. NEENER NEENER.

You recently completed a Mega Man 3 speedrun for Twin Galaxies? What compelled you to do this?

Yeah, my time was 39:50, and I died four times. I also took about five times longer on the final boss fight than I should have. 43:52 was the previous record at Twin Galaxies. It was being called a world record. That's why I did it.