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Released by Sega in March of 1992, Toejam and Earl chronicles the tale of two aliens who've crashed on planet Earth and must gather the pieces of their spaceship so they can return to their home planet of Funkotron. Toejam's a three-legged red guy with eyes on stalks and Earl is a rotund orange mound with polka dotted shorts and sunglasses. If you think they look strange, wait until you see the humans.


Best fixed world time: 0:20:51 by Adrian 'InsipidMuckyWater' Feiertag on 2010-08-06. A bloopers file is also available.

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Author's comments:

Well, this was a lot of work. I know that this is true for every speedrun out there, but honestly, this run was MUCH harder than it actually looks.

Thanks to Mike, Nate, dex, Breakdown, and Flip (the current SDA crew) for everything they do for SDA. I will say without reluctance that SDA has become a far better place than it was when I began speedrunning, and that's saying quite a lot in itself. Thanks as well to Sorceror88. He helped a lot with planning and motivation, but I'll discuss him later in the comments.

I'm going to do something I don't normally do and get directly to the level-specific comments before all the background hoopla. I've always hated when I go to sites like GameFaqs and the authors leave the actual walkthrough to the bottom of a 200 page document.

Levels 1-5: Went virtually perfectly (virtually perfect is going to be my top rank for the rest of this, by the way). Amazingly, I did not see a single hula girl in levels 3 or 4, where they are most common. Damn hula girls.

Level 6: Hula girl attack! Damn hula girls!! Luckily, at that distance, her grip was pretty loose, as I had hoped. You'll notice that I did not immediately resort to using a new hi-top, and this is because I did not want to have it wasted if she made me dance a second time and that's exactly what happened. If I had used the shoes that early, I probably would have been caught again, anyway, rendering it pointless. In reality, neither dance lasted more than half a second, so it did not become an actual problem, but it could have. In case you are wondering, the average length of a dance from my experience hovers around three seconds (some are less than a second, as here, and some go nearly six seconds), so I was extremely fortunate.

Level 7: Some of my better flying. You might be wondering one of many, many route-related questions at this point: Why didn't I land and run to the elevator? Well, first of all, flying as well as I was, it would not have been that much quicker to run most of the time difference is due to bouncing on my butt. But, much more importantly, if I use the hi-tops immediately, then they will expire at the beginning of the tenth level. If this happens, I will not be able to reach the exit of the tenth level with a single pair of rocket skates.

Levels 8-9: Virtually perfect.

Level 10: Ugh this level was a nightmare for the first 60% of my runs. That 60% should be known as the level 10 Era before I had that level optimized. Here, it goes exactly as planned.

Level 11: The remaining 40% of the run should be known as the level 11 Era. DAMN HULA GIRLS!!! I don't like to start this level without seeing two hula girls in the first area, because if I don't then that leaves open hula girl slots for the exit area, where they are harder to avoid. Moles are often a pain here too. Normally, I try to jump as much as possible here, but I didn't need to do so in this particular run.

Another route-related question you may have: Why the hell did I use a fudge sundae at the elevator? Well, formerly I would avoid grabbing the sundae at Level 6, but 75% of the time I performed this run I would promote to poindexter during Level 12, which would waste three seconds as the holy spirit himself christened me with an extra life. So, to avoid this, I use a fudge sundae as I'm entering the elevator on Level 11 in order to promote as the elevator disappears. The elevator will continue with its sequence while I'm promoting inside it, so this prevents time loss. Though, if I time it so the promotion does not finish before the elevator scene begins, I will be locked in the elevator upon arrival at Level 12 (see: blooper reel). This happened to be one of that 25% of the time where I didn't need to trigger the early promotion by actually using a present, but I definitely would keep this in the route anyway were I still running. Most of the time, eating the fudge sundae is necessary to promote in time. Regardless, picking up the fudge sundae still pays off, because picking up presents (as opposed to using them) also raises my point count, helping to trigger the early promotion.

Level 12: Nearly perfect, though I could have landed more squarely in front of the elevator exit. I did not, because the Nerd Herd usually squashes me if I do not hide behind the elevator. I don't have to worry about this if moles spawn here, but I was stuck with nerds this time (at least I wasn't robbed by a mole while entering the door, though, as in the blooper reel). By the way, hitting that mole for a second did not cost any time, because I would have had to wait for the rocket skates to wear out anyway at the exit.

Level 13: My first real mistake. I jumped while on the land bridge and almost fell into space; instead, I dangled precariously at the edge, wasting about two seconds. Otherwise, this level went fine.

Level 14: Virtually perfect. Again, Sorceror's route here was almost identical to mine. Oh, and in case you are listening to the commentary, I already know that Sorceror actually lives in Europe. ;)

Level 15: I took a necessary loss here, because after my first jump I saw the hula girl. To make sure she didn't catch me, I hugged the edge of the land, which set off a hidden bridge. A loss of a second, maybe, but I would do it again to avoid the hula girl. Btw, there are about 5 hidden bridges in this level I had to avoid (see list).

Level 16: Virtually perfect. Running along with the road instead of cutting corners proves to be quicker, in case you were wondering.

Level 17: Not perfect flying, but still good. Also, I walk to the elevator instead of fly the entire way because the wings would have expired midway through the next flap.

Level 18: Virtually perfect, with the added bonus of barely avoiding a hula girl. DAMN HULA GIRLZ!!!!!!!!!!

Level 19: You might be wondering why I grabbed the fudge sundae or why I flew around in a generally erratic path. Well, I always have about 2-3 seconds to waste on those rockets, so I just like taking the scenic route instead of spinning in circles by the elevator (which is too close to the ledge for comfort) to wear them out. Virtually perfect. Oh, and if you would like to have a debate with me about whether this was the best level for using the skates, PM me some time. I've tested EVERYTHING.

Level 20: This is probably the only time I've done Level 20 virtually perfectly. You might be wondering why I waited a second before using the hi-tops after the rocket skates depleted. Well, I have NO idea why, but every single time I immediately switch to them after the skates in THIS LEVEL ONLY, I am unable to run for about three seconds. This has happened about half a dozen times, so I just started to wait for one second before using the hi-tops. I don't know why, but it works.

Level 21: Phew, that tornado nearly swallowed me. My second real mistake. After having grabbed the ship piece, I flew too close toward the edge and set off another hidden bridge, losing about a second. I was lucky in this run that I didn't set off any long bridges some make you wait for about 3-5 seconds (two of which I avoided in this level, just after the one I hit). Also, you'll notice I hit a boogeyman midway through the level, which is why I seemed to turn for no reason before the skates expired. Finally, I jump from the bridge to the final area as late as I do to avoid running (slowly) in sand.

Level 22: Virtually perfect. Often a phantom ice cream truck hits me as I walk to the door, but not this time. I have no idea why the elevator takes so long between this and the next level.

Level 23: Virtually perfect. You'll notice I walk around the elevator before using the skates. I do this here, on level 13, and on level 18 to avoid hitting a ledge and automatically jumping into space to my doom. It's a worthwhile precaution. The jumps in this level worked better than they usually do, and I didn't even trigger the hidden bridge. By the way, I CANNOT jump over the water. It's impossible. I admit this was not my closest jump by any means, but about one air-bubble in the water is the quickest this can be done, and it took me one and a half, so it was not a big loss.

Level 24: Another necessary loss here, as I had to fly over the hula girl instead of land and start running. You can see I slowed down a bit expecting to land, but who should creep out from the side of the screen but another STUPID PIECE OF CRAP HULA GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fortunately, I hadn't landed yet. Based on my luck with this level, she almost certainly would have caught me. Interestingly, I'm more likely to be caught as I'm approaching a hula girl than if I am leaving one, which is why I landed while still a little close to her.

Level 25: Two near-contacts with tornadoes, yikes. Another necessary loss here of about a second, as I set off the final hidden land bridge. But, I did this to avoid the second tornado, so it was absolutely worth it. Definitely would do it again. Finally, and it sucks to say this, but I finish the run with a two-second mistake by not using the rocket skates found at the end of the level to jump the gap. I'm sorry, I was just way too nervous to try it. About 100 things can go wrong, 90 of which involving me falling down to Level 24, and it was only a small loss, so I skipped the trick. I actually was planning to do it, but my hands were completely ignoring my brain at this point, and before I knew it I was suddenly jumping with the hi-tops, as if in a dream. Oh well, I can live with it.

Funkotron: This does not count towards my run. It's the reward for completing the game. I don't do anything special here. Walk along the yellow brick road and meet Earl. I never knew this, but it seems like THE END does not appear until I talk to my family or something? Hmph, weird. By the way, the Trixie clip in the blooper reel (which I realize is in no way a blooper, but screw off) came from this run.

There. Hope you enjoyed it.

Hey, someone in the credits is named Avril.

Alright, with that out of the way:

Huge thanks to Sorceror88 for motivating me (perhaps unintentionally) to attempt this run many, many months ago. As well, Sorceror88 diagrammed the locations of nearly all relevant presents throughout the game, which saved me a hell of a lot of research. Sorceror was running the game some time ago but became discouraged and moved on; during his practices, however, he crafted a very solid route from the sounds of it and was able to achieve completion times around or under 30 minutes on the PAL version of the game. He seemed to make such short work of the game while he was still practicing that I decided to give this a try. (By the way, I was planning to run Luigi's Mansion this summer to replace Marshmallow's run, but someone beat me to the punch. I chose this as an alternative project.) I do not really know what his routes were like (though I think he posted them somewhere for download); however, I noticed just a couple weeks ago while reading the old thread that he suggested an identical route on level 14 to the one I ultimately used. I just want to clarify that I also discovered the suspiciously convenient timing when using rocket skates on this level, on my own, and I was not intentionally stealing his idea. In any event, it's pleasing to know we thought alike in at least that one instance. (Though, given the size of 14 and the need for hi-tops during the middle of the run, I suppose the devising of similar strategies was far from unlikely.)

Completing this run was more difficult than any two of my previous runs combined. While I know some have spent hundreds of hours, or perhaps more, on various speedruns through the years, I did not expect a 20 minute run to require 150 hours (exactly) of failed recorded attempts with an additional 30-50 hours before that for research and planning. The run overtook the final month of my summer vacation, and it was terribly stressing.

That all being said, I still LOVE this game. Along with Zombies Ate My Neighbors and Gunstar Heroes, Toejam and Earl is part of a holy trifecta of the best 16-bit cooperative games. It is one of the most humorous games I have ever played, is premised on exploration and continually fresh experiences through the random shuffling of several game elements, and its soundtrack is one of the most memorable of the era. I think I would rate TJ&E even higher than those other two, because the players can either play together or go about each level independently of what the other person is doing, if they so choose.

The (first) sequel, by the way, is also fantastic, despite its departure in gameplay. That's neither here nor there. But, much like the second game, which has been featured for some time on SDA, the original Toejam and Earl can only be run providing the assistance of an OUTRAGEOUS amount of luck.

While execution ultimately proved to be the biggest obstacle in the speedrun, this game is probably the first of those I have attempted which really demands the utmost attention be paid to careful route planning. I had eight to ten "major" route changes along the way, with about two-dozen minor changes mixed in for good measure. The route I first used would be hardly recognizable compared to this one, and I am confident that very fact saved me several minutes. I know that between phase 6 and phase 7 I saved about two minutes alone, so change can be a good thing. But, planning is important in this game, generally, because aside from survival the only objective is to explore and seek the spaceship parts and level exits. Carefully developing a route in this game is the real difference between a good and a bad time (assuming everything execution-wise goes to plan). Though, as far as execution goes, well, the sheer RANDOMNESS of this game is assuredly what has protected it from speedrunning all these years.

I would say that about 40% of my runs were killed by the first four levels, which are without a doubt the easiest levels in the game when you are not trying to speedrun. This is due to something probably fairly obvious: hula girls. My god, my god, I sure hate those hula girls. Hate em. I would commit awful, unspeakable atrocities upon these characters if only I could. And besides them, the other most troublesome creatures, strangely enough, are those stupid little devils hopping about. In fact, check out one of the lists at the bottom to see the top ten list of enemies most determined to ruin my speedrun.

Hula girls are the only enemies in the game which "attack" with an area of effect, and it's a rather large area, at that. And, because this attack does nothing but slow me down for a random duration, I normally have to restart as soon as they ensnare me with their lustrous hip-shaking, unless I have a defense like a an immediate opportunity to jump or a present which could be opened early without compromising my route (as I did in level 6 of this run).

Devils are surprisingly problematic, because they have a ridiculous tendency to walk in front of where ever I intend to go (as opposed to walking directly toward my present location, like most sensible enemies). Moreover, they are one of the many breeds of enemies who do not allow a moment to escape after attacking, and they are found all over the early part of the game. In fact, if I didn't know better, I would say the damn things are often forming picket lines in protest of the speedrun, like it was some kind of deliberate attempt, inexplicably calculated years ahead of time, by the developers to impede any and all progress of such an endeavor.

Bees are very similar in most respects, except they are far less common and tend to appear slightly later in the game. But, they cause more damage, are better at following than devils, and worst of all can fly, leading to many frustrating situations when I would be stuck in the middle of space on a land bridge while they fly directly towards me from the only direction I can go. I am not sure why, but the Killer bees (basically the ones late in the game which move more quickly) hardly pestered me.

Tornadoes and moles are practically tied. Tornadoes sneak up on you and pop out of the sand without warning like ninjas. They tend to do this most just outside of the arriving/departing elevators. In fact, I have at least one clip of tornadoes guarding the door in my blooper reel (Hamsters did this a lot, as well, by the way). The worst was when I would be just running along and one would appear just in front of me when it was too late to go a different direction ... which was most of the time. Obviously, a single tornado would end a run.

Moles were very similar. While much, much easier to avoid, they were even more likely to guard the elevator and, unlike any other enemy in the game, were able to travel underneath the door and snag me as I attempted to enter it. As well, moles tended to come up from the bottom of the screen, which creates a huge problem for me no matter what the enemy.

The HUD display is at the bottom of the screen, but the player character is centered in the middle of the overall screen, meaning creatures coming up from below, ESPECIALLY if I am moving southward (which is most of the time in the first half of the game), can hit me by surprise in a only a moment's time. Plus, I had the terrible misfortune of landing on one of these guys just about every other time I jumped a gap. Not sure why. *Glares menacingly in the developers' direction*

Dentists and boogeymen, despite their high damage, were not much of a problem except for the fact that they are perhaps the best followers in the game (except for lawn mower men and phantom ice cream trucks), move quickly, and cause my character to recoil dramatically after each hit. The latter frequently caused me to fall down a level, as much of my route stays near the edges of the land masses. Dentists were more likely to appear on small strips of land, which sucked, while boogeymen were often invisible land mines I could not see to avoid, which also sucked.

Finally, chicken armies were not an overwhelming problem, but they occupied a lot of space and made squeezing past them in tight situations nigh impossible. Shopping ladies are just ... there. Probably the easiest to avoid. Going back to my success rate per level, I would wager that maybe another 20% of my attempts were ruined by levels 6 and 7. Beyond that, another 30% were ruined by levels 10 and 11. The remaining 20%? Everything else : levels 12 - 25. As strange as that sounds, realize the frustration any gamer would face in having 80% of all attempts fail in the first half of the game. This game was clearly designed to be as random as possible without the benefit of a truly random generation process, and that becomes dreadfully obvious rather quickly.

Levels 2-4 contain a high number of hula girls and devils. Levels 6-7 feature hula girls, moles, and a few boogeymen. Levels 10-11, however, are probably the two most intimidating levels in the game. Level 10 crushed probably 50% of all runs which reached it, at first. Then, I implemented a route change, followed by a second. It was heartbreaking to change my route once I had finally begun to have success with the former one, but I persevered, and the new route is a major improvement.

As for level 11 ... well, HULA GIRLS. There are six of them here ... count em, SIX ... and nowhere more do they appear along the outline of my planned path than in this level. Level 11 might as well be where the speedrun actually begins. After this, hula girls only ever appear in levels 15, 18, and 24. But, there are not many in 15 or 18, and I can fly over them in 24 (as I do once in this run). Because the above sorts of enemies begin to thin out after these levels, the latter levels just aren't nearly as difficult.

I'm extremely proud of this run, if for no other reason than the outrageous amount of time I worked on it and the frustrating bad luck it heaps on you in buckets. I think due to mistakes and necessary losses, I could have saved maybe 10-15 seconds from execution, but any significant time savings would probably have to come from route innovations, such as short cuts I did not find or realize.

Okay, that's all from me. Well, almost. Enjoy this completely pointless ...


Top ten enemies most determined to ruin my speedrun:

1. Hula girls
2. Hula girls
3. Hula girls
4. Devils
5. Tornadoes
6. Moles
7. Dentists
8. Boogeymen
9. Bees
10. Chicken armies

An honorable mention goes to Hamsters. Sharks, Mailbox Monsters, and Cupids were rarely a problem unless the run was already in trouble. But I know what you're thinking. What about the nerd herds, lawn mower men, or the phantom ice cream trucks!? Aren't those the most damaging enemies in the game? Yeah, pretty much, along with maybe boogeymen. Thing is, most of the enemies in the list are found in the first half of the game; whereas the others are not.

List of top ten games I considered running over the past five or six years which never came to fruition in chronological order:

1. Dynasty Warriors 2 (planning stage - boring)
2. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III one player and two player runs (planning stage beaten to the punch)
3. Xyzyx (too difficult for a game I had never played)
4. Doom 64 (really wish I had finished this second-guessed what difficulty to play until I lost interest)
5. Slaughterhouse (didn't want to purchase a mediocre game, ultimately)
6. Gauntlet Legends 4-player Major Skips (finished about 25%, problem encountered with route, lost interest / team separated)
7. Half-Life: Decay on the PS2 (only a test speedrun was finished - needed many improvements)
8. Geist (finished about 25% of this, also should have finished did not like the game)
9. Sonic Chaos on Wii Virtual Console (an awful game, plus the speedrun would be a joke)
10.Improvement to Luigi's Mansion, normal mansion (beaten to the punch)

Honarable mention goes to my no-damage speedrun of Star Fox 64, but I never actually considered running that during my four-year hiatus. I originally intended to finish and submit it to replace TSA's joke run from many years ago, but I was just barely beaten to the punch in the race to replace that any % run. And now, after several improvements, the any % run on SDA has become impossible to beat while maintaining no damage.

Top ten things I do not like about Toejam and Earl:

10.The lack of genuine randomness.
9. The fixed world is not particularly clever or special compared to the rest of the game.
8. Jam out mode is definitively useless.
7. There are way too many presents that hurt you.
6. Randomizer.
5. Land bridges that lead to NOWHERE.
4. Elevators. The doors often will not open unless you stand in the right spot; it's very easy to get caught on the side of the elevator; sometimes the doors open and shut again quickly.
3. That everybody likes Toejam. Earl rules! Nothing's wrong with Toejam, but many of my friends started fights about who got to play him. Pretty dumb.
2. The absolutely POINTLESS scenes between levels on single-player. These are fine on two-player. But however many hundreds of hours I practiced, probably about one-third of that time went to sitting around and doing nothing in an elevator while some random pattern-of-the-day whizzed past the screen.
1. Hula girls. Even when I'm not speedrunning, I despise them.

Top ten things I like about Toejam and Earl:

10.The Funkotron level. Finally an interesting ending to a game.
9. Good balance of length and difficulty.
8. The variety of presents.
7. Random world mode (great for replay value)
6. Toejam and Earl, themselves.
5. The crazy earthlings.
4. The premise.
3. The humor.
2. The music.

Top ten changes in my life during the course of performing this run:

10.Became pretty broke as student loans ran thin (unrelated to run)
9. Purchased 110 DVD's (100 R, 10 RW) Used 74 DVD's recording this run
8. Won a Goldeneye (N64) tournament and some free Xbox360 gear
7. Hair grew over two inches
6. Spent my birthday and at least four other distinct days speedrunning from morning until night
5. Developed temporary persistent arthritis in my lower back
4. Developed the WORST speedrunner thumb I've EVER had in my life (the hardened portion of my thumb was two centimeters in diameter and took three weeks to peel away)
3. I gained 20 pounds (losing it as we speak, I might add)
2. My family moved into a new home for the first time in 25 years
1. The girl I love called me for the first time in over five years

Top ten foods I ate while practicing the speedrun (check out THIS fantastic guide to healthy living):

1. Pizza (this should come as no surprise to anyone who knows me)
2. Cereal
3. Cookies (strangely, I never used to like cookies before this year)
4. Bread rolls
5. Sandwiches
6. Burgers
7. Subway
8. Pasta salad
9. Apples (No idea how this happened)

Now there's good eating. Real speedrun fuel, right there. Anyway, without the tri-weekly bike rides I normally take when I'm not speedrunning, this kind of diet tends to catch up with you.

Top ten goals I had with this run:

10.Don't die (Success)
9. Do not fall in water (Success)
8. Reach the last ship piece without any presents left (Failed)
7. Do not get caught by a hula girl (Failed - this used to be #1, but I got sick of even trying for this)
6. Beat 25 minutes, the requirement on my old bonus bounty for this game (Major Success)
5. Do not get squashed by anything (Success - became intolerable eventually)
4. Promote in the elevator on Level 11 (Success)
3. Do not uncover a hidden bridge (Failed)
2. Kill a creature (Failed - two ways to do this realistically: hit a cupid while flying or glitch-away an earthling on Level 6 by uncovering a hidden bridge which reforms the land underneath them)
1. Tell no one at SDA that I am working on this run until it is finished (Success - Hey, take a gander at those unfinished runs if you need to know why I'm afraid to announce progress on a run)

Honorable mention: Toejam says "Achoo" during the run. (Failed) Beyond not being relevant to the outcome of the run, this is also extremely rare.
Honorable mention 2: Finish the run by July 31st, 2010. (Failed - took until August 6th)

Top ten questions I have after running this game:

10.Will anyone run Toejam and Earl 3?
9. Does anyone care if anyone runs Toejam and Earl 3?
8. Is there any point to running the Random World in this game?
7. How could they give a better food rating to cake than to pizza? Sacrilege.
6. Why do Toejam and Earl HAVE to eat things they touch even when they taste bad? And why can't they turn off certain presents?
5. What speeds can the characters move? (It seems to me: Earl moves at a unit of 1, Toejam 2, Earl on road 2, Toejam on road 3, icarus wings 4-5, hi-tops 6, hi-tops on road 7, rocket skates 10)
4. How on earth did Sorceror88 put up with using Doors in his route for as long as he did?
3. When will they make this game online? Also, when will another GOOD TJ&E come along?
2. Why don't more people know about this game?
1. Could a single-player speedrun be made which uses both characters? If so, that'd be a nightmare to plan.

Top ten glitches in this game:

10.Enemies occasionally walk through the elevator.
9. Chicken armies have better homing capabilities on the Wii version, it seems. I wouldn't treat this as fact, but I noticed over and over that they would hit me when I was sure I was safe.
8. If you are using hitops, you can 'slide' if you press the directional pad while slowing down. Actually pretty annoying, because it'll push me past the elevator, where I frequently stop using hitops.
7. Squashing-enemies have a wider area of contact than their images suggest. So do moles.
6. It is virtually impossible to escape from devil or bee attacks UNLESS you run in nearly the opposite direction of the offending creature while being attacked. You would think you could just run upwards to get around a devil to your left, but no, you MUST run to the right to some degree.
5. Multiple hula girls can attack at once. This can be seen in the blooper reel somewhere. This does not seem to effect the time that they make you dance, though it makes your character flip out while dancing.
4. Getting caught on the sides of the ship pieces (the big purple sign parts) can actually prevent you from picking up the piece for several moments. Like with the devils and bees, you have to start over and back away from the piece before trying again. Occurs VERY often, and it looks pretty stupid so you're pretty much forced to start the run over.
3. New tornadoes will respawn if you passed by a previous one too quickly. Yep. The game cheats.
2. GIANT GLITCHATHON when using hitops before touching the ground but after falling from depleted icarus wings. See blooper reel. This if fairly easy to do.
1. The Nintendo Wii Classic Controller cannot be used for this run (or presumably any run which requires holding a button for extended periods of time) because the Nintendo Wii controllers send apparently imperfect streams of information to the console. I originally used a Classic controller but switched to a Gamecube controller (I knew bringing that damn thing out here to school was a good idea) because, invariably, Toejam would stop in place every few seconds when running with the hi-tops, as if I was letting go of the button.

Top ten, top ten lists I decided not to put in my comments:

10.Top ten favorite presents
9. Top ten favorite ways to die in this game
8. Top ten unanswered questions about TJ&E (Comment to #'s 8, 9, and 10: seriously, there just is not enough game to go around for this many lists)
7. Top ten favorite SDA users
6. Top ten favorite/least favorite speedruns
5. Top ten pretentious words I used to say in the forums (probably could not narrow this down to ten, lol)
4. Top ten favorite cartoons
3. Top ten most death-defying moments in speedrunning (old forum thread already exists for this)
2. Top ten things I like about taiga forum (too recent)
1. Top ten disgusting things I said in these comments that I removed (would kind of defeat the purpose)

Top ten people who have helped me with speedruns:

1. Elliott Feiertag - Elliott, my older brother, has performed and submitted three accepted runs to SDA (two of which have been replaced). Anyway, while he did not exactly work with me on any of my runs, he has made speedruns for many of the games he and I grew up playing together, saving me the trouble of running those games myself someday. Elliott rules.
2. Austin Douglas - Austin and I practiced on a very early run of TMNT III. He also pressed "Reset" for me for that Jurassic Park run a zillion times He, along with Ryan and Chris, worked on the four-player major skips run of Gauntlet Legends, and most recently he worked with me on the draft run of Half-Life: Decay for the PS2.
3. Richard Crismore - As of the time of this writing, he is working with me on a small two-player speedrun for another game. We hope to finish soon.
4. Ryan Moss - Ryan is actually the guy that told me about SDA, which is strange because he is not terribly interested in speedruns, himself. He, along with Chris and Austin, worked with me on the four-player Gauntlet Legends run. As well, he and Austin kept my spirits up as they watched me work for many hours at a time on a no-damage Star Fox 64 speedrun, a long time ago.
5. Chris Brown - He, along with Austin and Ryan, also worked with me on the four-player Gauntlet Legends run. He and Ryan eventually moved away from the area, so after we encountered our route problem, we were not able to finish the run.
6. Nate Jahnke- Saved my three "poor source tape" Genesis runs with his technical wizardry. I would have put all of the administrators on this list, but that would have taken half the slots. By the way, the source tape from those Sega runs played absolutely perfectly from my end. I wish I had mailed the damn VCR along with the runs.
7. Sorceror88 - Major help with Toejam & Earl, because he mapped out (most of the) present locations for each level in Fixed World. More importantly, his excellent work on his own, preliminary run motivated me to get off my butt and do a run myself.
8. Psonar - Major source of comraderie and inspiration during the times around Condemned and his 100% Expert Start Fox 64 run. I suppose he did not offer any direct advice or strategy for my own runs, though he did show me some amazing tricks for if I ever want to retry that no-damage run.
9. dragonGod - Gave me some pointers for my speedrun of Condemned: Criminal Origins. Also suggested a trick I was unfortunately not able to use in the run.
10.Aquatiger - Gave me some pointers for my speedrun of Ren & Stimpy : Stimpy's Invention. Can't remember much else from that long ago.

Honorable mention to Pweisger who advised me occasionally with Beavis and Butthead and gave me some pointers on the Dynasty Warriors run which I briefly planned. He does not seem to come around SDA anymore, though.

Hidden land bridges in the route I was able to avoid in this run:

Level 2: Between the land gap directly after the space ship piece.
Level 4: One directly to the left at the beginning.
Level 5: Just south of the first jump.
Level 6: None. Just for the record, there is no way to avoid the two that spawn to the left while I'm running down the long bridge.
Level 7: There are two or three land bridges in the space I fly over, and these CAN be triggered while flying.
Level 9: Directly north of the buck I grab and where I jump, only a few feet away.
Level 10: 1) Just north of the door. 2) On the incomplete bridge I jump from after grabbing the first present. 3) To the north just after that jump. 4) Across the gap I jump with rocket skates.
Level 14: 1) Near the mailbox monster at the beginning. 2) Southwest of the first present. 3) Southeast of the second present.
Level 15: 1) Right BEFORE the jump. 2) Didn't avoid this; it's right AFTER the jump. 3) Just east of the second jump. 4) On the west coast as I'm running north up to the mailbox/ship piece and again when I run south. 5) JUUUST northwest of the jump after the chicken army. 6) I think there's another bridge just north of where the nerd herd appears.
Level 17: There's a land bridge somewhere while I fly north. There's also a land bridge as I fly south to the elevator which is very easy to hit as the wings start to deplete.
Level 18: Just south of the jump.
Level 20: A little north of the ship piece.
Level 21: There are TWO on opposite sides of the land when I start flying south on the rocket skates too far east or west and I could set one off, and both are kind of long. I avoid them both again as I head back north. I hit the one by the palm tree though. There's another just left of the bridge I use to reach the elevator.
Level 22: There's one on the island where you start, a little to the west I think. There are several in this level, but I rarely hit any.
Level 23: I have to avoid the one crossing the gap that I jump twice.
Level 24: One to the north of the starting area.
Level 25: I think there are a couple on the long stretch right at the beginning, can't remember. I hit the bridge by the tornado. There's another southwest of the jump that connects the final area with the rest of the level.

Media I watched on my laptop while experimenting, practicing, and performing this run (in no particular order):

Both seasons of Sports Night
All five seasons of the Kids in the Hall
All three seasons of Survivorman
All four seasons of Wildboyz
The Rocky Horror Picture Show
The Adventures of Milo and Otis
The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
Charlie Wilson's War
Toy Story 1 & 2
Four episodes of Mystery Science Theater
Jim Gaffigan Beyond the Pale; and King Baby
Every episode of the Angry Video Game Nerd
Every episode of the Nostalgia Critic
MANY MANY MANY speedruns, starting with: Tyler 'Thiradell' Wishall's any% run of Super Mario Sunshine
Psonar's single segment run of Star Fox 64 100% on Expert speedrun-gasm
Zebediah Danvers's awesome Hydro Thunder for Dreamcast IL runs
Peter 'Kibumbi' Knutsson's Doom 3 Nightmare skill run
Maciej 'groobo' Maselewski's Doom 3: Resurrection of Evil on Marine skill
Nolan 'Radix' Pflug's normal skill any% run of Resident Evil 0
Adam 'Introverder' Titowicz's easy skill any%/any ending Silent Hill 3 PC run
Zack 'zallard1' Allard's Doc Louis's Punch Out run
Blake 'Spider-Waffle' Piepho's any% Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles run
Wes 'Arrow' Fathauer's any% Toejam and Earl: Panic on Funkotron run (as well as it's replacement by Robin 'Deign' Reigstad)
Evan K. N. Jankowski's any% with deaths run of Star Wars: Rogue Squadron
Daniel 'Kareshi' Brown's Super Ghouls n Ghosts run (and to think I first heard of this runner because of Jaws)
Pascal 'Xelna' Lafrance, Remy 'Dushine' Dushime, Matan 'IsraeliRD' Weissman, KidPlayer44, Henry 'Sonic Warrior1' Mullhall, and Ji Hoon 'iMacmatician' Chun's terrific Marble Blast Gold IL runs
Joakim 'Wizphix' Mäipää's Dragon's Lair NES run
Daniel Enright's SNES Eye of the Beholder run
Jan 'Kwoky' Nêec and Vaclav 'watch0ut' Vacek's great Project IGI: I'm Going In IL runs
Benoit 'TJazZ' Boudreau's All Cup Tour: 150cc run of Mario Kart: Double Dash
Andrew Gardikis's any% Super Mario Brothers 2 NES run
Freddy 'Frezy_man' Andersson's any% NES run of Super Mario Brothers 3
Adam 'Lucid Faia' Sweeney's any% single segment run of Super Mario World
Myles 'ShadowOfMyles' Bukrim's awesome Super Mario 64 16 Star run
Peter 'Dragorn' Branam-Lefkove's spectacular single segment Super Mario 64 120 Star run
Daniel 'moooh' Wikell's Disney's Aladdin european version for Genesis
Radek Pecka and Vincent Catalaa's Doom II single segment two-player coop run
Drew 'stx-Vile' DeVore's Ultra-Violent skill run of TNT in Final Doom
Some of my own runs: Jurassic Park with Raptor, Ren & Stimpy: Stimpy's Invention, Condemned: Criminal Origins, and my brother Elliott's run of Comix Zone
Oskar Angelmark's hardcore difficulty Aliens vs. Predator 2 run as Marine
Andres 'Mad Andy' Montalbetti's Eternal Darkness: Sanity's Requiem run
Henk 'henkie196' Pietersen's any% Red Faction for PC run
Aaron Haynes's any% run of Syphon Filter
Mike Uyama's expert mode run of Gunstar Heroes
Mirko Brown's PC run of Bioshock with deaths
Maciej 'groobo' Maselewski's crazy any% Diablo run with Sorceror
Isaac 'error1' Wehmanen's any% with major skips Fallout 3 run
Daniel 'CannibalK9' Burns's any% single segment run of Grand Theft Auto: Vice City on PC
Tom 'rdrunner' Votava's single segment any% run of Donkey Kong 64 (the new, ridiculous New Game + run by Lloyd 'Manocheese' Palmer was not posted yet)
Daniel 'Gibbatizer' Gibb's excellent 100% single segment Banjo-Kazooie run
Adam 'Lucid Faia' Sweeney's 100% single segment run of Donkey Kong Country
Ray 'Croc-Doc' Cullen's run of Donkey Kong (NES?) (PC?)
Blake 'Spider-Waffle' Piepho's Half-hour Half-life hard mode run with scripts
Blake 'Spider-Waffle' Piepho's Half-Life: Opposing Force hard mode run with scripts
Maciej 'groobo' Maselewski's Half-Life: Blue Shift hard mode run with scripts
Half-Life 2 Done Quick team's Half-Life 2 run with scripts (watched twice)
Mike 'TSA' Damiani's with Up+A warps run of The Legend of Zelda
Part of Lloyd 'Manocheese' Palmer's any% with major skips run of Legend of Zelda: OOT (I would have watched more, but I've watched this a bajillion times)
Part of 'moka's' easy difficulty single segment run of Infinite Undiscovery (Sorry, it's a great run I'm sure, but I can't stand JRPGs enough anymore to even watch speedruns of them)
Daniel 'NintenDan' any% run of Sonic Advance as Sonic
Charles Griffin's any% run of Sonic the Hedgehog for Genesis
Joe Stanski's single segment any% Sonic The Hedgehog 2 run
Mike 'Mike89' McKenzie's Sonic 3 and Knuckles any% run with Knuckles
Mike 'Mike89' McKenzie's Sonic 3 and Knuckles any% run with Sonic

I can't remember which I was watching when I actually recorded the run. I think it was either Rocky Horror Picture Show or Sonic 3 and Knuckles with Sonic; they were both near the end.

Okay, that's it! Congratulations for making it to the end. I hope you found something or other interesting in all this. As well, I hope you enjoyed the run.

As for me, now it's time to perform the low % run of this game, a run without presents.

-Yeah, that's not going to happen.

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